Becoming

What's that quote again? Something about...

Oh [shoot] I've become my mother.

Well I found it to be true once again the last few days.


As I was figuring out what in the world my plans were for traveling to North Carolina today, trying not to fall up the stairs in front of everyone for a third time, turning in papers, going to classes in which I didn't do my homework for,  packing (my most dreaded chore), traveling to and filming a glass blower artists work process, and keeping my smiley, happy I've got this under control persona up, I was forced to attend late lunch today. 

I sat with my iPad in hand while I ate some carrots and cucumbers and this amazing peach minding my own business.  Actually, I think I might have been the only one in Aladdin (our cafeterias proper name).  One of the workers came up to me and asked me about my iPad and what it did and how big it was and if he could watch "the game" on it and on and on and on we chatted.  Every time he walked by he would make a different comment.  I was trying to be nice, yet I had so much to do.  And my introverted personality forces me to need just a tad bit of recoup time, in which I wasn't receiving.  But after about the fifth time he stopped by, I thought about the cool witness I could be to this guy.  

The only thing I really even said was that I use it to help in my bible study.  But ya know, I can't help but think maybe my kindness to him was just what he needed.  Maybe he needed to see that someone was there to listen.  Maybe that's all he needed to know.  


Then there's this elderly man in the cafeteria.  He is the sweetest little old man.  If you know me very well, you will know I lost my Pawpaw a little over a year ago.  He was my rock.  He was the rock of our family.  He was an amazing witness (with over 700 people at his wake) and stood for Christ no matter what the cost.  He was also a jokester.  He would always point to something on the floor.  Then right when you looked down, he'd catch your nose with his finger and say, "Gotcha!".  He was a keeper.

Well this little 'ol man in Aladdin reminds me of Pawpaw.  He never ceases to ask if I've been runnin' (he saw me in my runnin' gear one day and I guess he's never forgotten).  I have now become accustomed to talking to him.  However, I noticed at the beginning of the year that he was missing from the scene.  But then one day out of the blue, he came up to me and told me all about getting his job back.  He'd been in and out of the hospital with his back.  But the doctors told him to walk.  So he figured this job would be good for him.  

I could tell he really wanted the job.  However, I don't think it was just the walking he needed.  He needed faces, smiley faces.  He wanted to be able to have a conversation with someone besides the doctor.  Maybe he has a family... But he's never mentioned them.  How convicting is it that I could be the bright spot in his day.  I could be the one person who he comes to work for.  I could shine a little Jesus in his life and show him that there is a big, big God waiting for him.  


Tonight, I was putting some laundry in the machine when the janitor lady came a hauling up the stairs.  She asked me how I managed to do that multiple times a day and "why in the world I would ever apply to live on this floor?".  I told her it was a way for me to live in peace and quiet and have a big enough space to actually do something.  She didn't agree, but smiled.  I had to help her put a shower curtain in the room of this other girl so that she could say she didn't steal anything.  Then we discovered we had the same name.  She told me all about her four brothers and one sister.  I know all of their names now.  We talked about my class schedule and what I want to do when I leave.  She smiled through her words of advice; I could tell she thoroughly enjoyed our conversation.  I did, too.  When we said our goodbyes, she said, "Good luck with your ministry and all.  I think that's gonna be awesome."  
Her kind words meant more than she would or will ever know.  


Maybe Pawpaw was right.  Maybe I DO have a calling on my life, a big one.  I want to shine Jesus into the lives of these people.  If it takes the only five minutes I have from one class to another, I am determined that it is worth it.  

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. (1 Peter 2:9, ESV)

"Lord, help me to be the witness you would have me to be.  Help me to pursue your strength and wisdom so that your fragrant love may flow through me.  You are my all.  Thank you for dyin' on that old rugged cross. Amen."




Shining bright,
Elizabeth 

Sunday Mornin' Joe

So here I sit, this Sunday morning around 10:18 am with my coffee by my side (well to be honest, I've already had two mugs of coffee, and now I am working on some Ovaltine (which I have become extremely fond of).  If you could only see me now... No makeup, hair in a funky bun thing, big 'ol baggy sweats, and a t-shirt from like five years ago.

When I first came to college, I knew there would be some decisions I would have to make as an individual  and as a believer.  I couldn't base my beliefs and convictions on those of my parents or my church.  The only thing I had to guide me was Christ.  His convictions for my life were of utmost important now.  Sure, I made some mistakes along the way, but ya know what?  He already forgave me of those about 2,000 years ago.  Now, in no way am I saying I think you can live in sin or do the things which we know are wrong, knowing that He'll forgive us.  He will.  But that's not what conviction is all about.

Have you ever had that gut feeling and you just knew something wasn't right?  You just knew that you were in a wrong situation or weren't doing something you were supposed to be?  I have definitely been there.  And when you get to the point where you know it's wrong, now that's conviction.  This is a point when your heart hurts from the sin. Or you get so uncomfortable, that you can't live with it.  The Holy Spirit is livin' right there, facing every situation, feeling, or physical affliction with you. I have discovered multiple convictions that God has placed on my life.  I believe that He is keeping me pure and building my character through the stomach-binding moments when I know I'm being convicted.  Don't get this idea incorrect either...  Convictions can be about something your NOT doing just as much as something you are that you shouldn't.  Did that make since?

Anyways, I have discovered that it is not my conviction to be in church on this Sunday morning.  Come on, I come from a Southern Baptist way of thinking where it is church on Sunday, eat a big lunch, take a nap, then get back up in time to be back at church that night.  I know what it is like to be "faithful".  But as I have discovered, Jesus isn't just in the church.  He is everywhere I am and He is even more where I seek Him out as a broken and starving soul.  For instance, this Sunday morning I believe He is right here with me more than anywhere else.  I have found Him more in the places where I am vulnerable to His word than many times I have in church.  This isn't to say that I don't find Him in church.  Believe me, He has spoken to me in church time-and-time again.  But I want my life to represent Christ ALL the time.  Not just in church on Sunday morning.

My mom always told me there was this light surrounding all His believers.  She said that we usually stuck out like a sore thumb without the sore part, more like a constant firefly. I love this verse:

For we are to God the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing. (2 Corinthians 2:15)

Does it not totally describe what I'm talking about?  Let me tell ya, my mother can be in Walmart and the cashier will just start telling her all about the problems she has been having with her family, or her mom, or her dog, or the management, and sometimes it's not even the bad things.  The topic may be about how her husband just got home from being in Iraq, or her daughter just graduated college and is teaching at a Tennessee university.  I mean the topics range wide and far!  But I have always wondered why.  If you know my mom, she is a talker.  We both laugh because I am much more like my dad.  I am introverted, only talk when I need to, can sit in a room for hours upon end without saying a word kind of person.  Mom, on the other hand, will be the only one talking in our family room while we're watching a movie (we don't even have to respond).  But as I tell her, God has given her that gift, and He has given me mine.  We probably wouldn't have the amazing mother-daughter relationship we do now if we were the same.  So even if she is a talker, other people still start the conversation.  And I believe with all my heart that it is Christ they are attracted to and that is why they can pour their heart out to this person they don't know.

I laughed.  This summer I worked at a camp and had to run errands every now and again for some unexpected things...like a golf-cart battery.  So here I go, battery in a box in my back seat, heading for a town I've never been to, using my unreliable GPS system on my phone, going to a place that they don't even know I am coming.  But ya know what, I eventually found it (after passing it about three times).  So I walk in and tell them where I'm from and what I need done.  Now the man I worked for is pretty well-known and highly respected, so when you tell them that you work for him, they will start talking about camp and willingly do whatever the need is (this was extremely handy and definitely taught me that reputation does mean a lot).  So, as I was saying, I walk in and tell them what I have, so Nathan (the owner) goes to get the battery.  I sit inside with his mom and start talking.  ME!  I started the conversation!  We talked about camp and what I was doing and her daughter's missions trip and her son's wedding and then there was this other woman who told me all about her hot flashes and what NOT to do when I'm 50 and how I should try to do everything I want to while I'm young because menopause hinders you from all the fun.  It was comical.
When everything was done, I headed down the road and couldn't help by laughing.  I had been my mother for a bit.  I was able to shine a little bit of Jesus into those ladies' lives, even if it was just for a minute.  It was cool to see God work.  He can use us in the most unexpected moments.

This is what I mean about being faithful.  That is the kind of faithfulness I want to attain.  I want to live out Him in my every day life.  I want to be that fragrance that people thrive from.  If if can be a light to those who don't know Jesus, or simply brighten the day of someone who does, then I know I have found Jesus' place for me.  In the little moments of life.  In the quietness of my room or the check-out line at Walmart or the run to grab a battery.  These moments might forever change the life of someone else.  And you will find, these moments deepen not only your faith but your heart for those who Jesus loves.

"Break my heart for what breaks yours." (Jesus Friend of Sinners, Casting Crowns)

Let this be your cry today!  Church or no church, allow God to move through you even in the sucky hurtles of life and unexpected minutes.  You only have one life to live, don't waste it.




From my Ovaltine morning to yours,
Elizabeth

Fishing for purpose

I am realizing, now, just how ridiculously powerful He is. 

At Bible study the other night, one of the girls asked to pray for her because she was struggling with surrendering Her entire life to Him.  She just wanted to be used by Him - no matter what the cost.  I sent her home with a comforting warning and a laugh, knowing just what she was getting herself into.  It took me back to this past spring as I tearfully sat in worship surrendering my all.

I had been struggling for months.  My heart and my head hurt from trying to figure out what was wrong with me.  Not only was my struggle emotional but it was physical.  I ached.  My body was resisting the pressure I was putting on it.  I had been sick several times that semester.  But something you don't know is the fact that I am a work-out-aholic.  Literally, I love to push my body to new limits.  Control is a struggle for me.  I like to be in control, know every plan, and tend to thrive from stability.  So keeping my body in shape is a way for me to know at least part of my life is in my hands. 

However, I was tired.  And when I say tired, I mean exhausted from thinking, doing, and over thinking every area of my life.  That's something about me, too.  Over thinking is an awful habit I picked up.  Well, maybe my introversion has something to do with it.  Either way, my brain was fried.  I had no plans for the summer, my family had been chaotic for the last year or so with my Pawpaw's sickness and then death, my best friend was hours upon hours from my reach, and my mental state was numb.  I don't even know how to describe the agony I fought.  I needed help.

I sat right there in the auditorium of our FCS meetings and poured my heart out.  I told Him I would do anything He wanted me to.  I would go anywhere He needed me to.  I would face any circumstance in order to be in His will and help the hurting.  I was stupid.  Totally Kidding!  But it was the most critical, heart wrenching decision I have ever made.

From that point forward, God has used me.  And I'm discovering, it comes with mighty costs.  Have you ever reached that point where you feel you have nothing left?  That He has taken away the ones you love, the comfort of home (or wherever you find peace), the ability to have control of anything?  I'm here now.  I am at a point of vulnerability that I never imagined I would reach.  The slight pinch from a friend could probably bring me to tears.  Yet, I know I am being strengthened.  

I read a cool quote the other day...

Reaching the point of a break down is not always a bad thing.  It brings you to a point of staring over.  Being able to be whatever you want.  

Well obviously it's not perfectly quoted, but in my own words, that's what I read.  I liked it.  Some times we feel the need to be so strong, so immovable, so hard, so dry from any ounce of salty tears that we forget its OK.  We forget that having a momentary, or extended, freak-out is alright.  God wants us to be weak.  He wants to rid us of any of our own strength so He can fill us back up with His strength.

Being called "His" has a huge responsibility.  He can form you into whatever you want to be.  And we can resent the change as much as we want, but I promise you, He only wants to give you the desires of you heart (Psalm 37:4).  The future He has in store for you is exciting and adventurous (Jeremiah 29:11)!  

Remember, I'm right in your boat.  I am sitting right next to you fishing for the invisible fish (or so it seems).  But one day, we're gonna catch the big one!  The one we have waited our whole life for.  The one that we can proudly tell our grandchildren about.  The one we can bring home with pride.  It's all about one thing: patience.  This is something that is difficult to obtain, but well worth it.  

I can't say that I'll ever be "patient".  I am a slightly impatient person, and I have decided that God made me this way.  But I can learn to be content - as can you.  Contentment comes when the waters are still, the fish aren't biting, your miserable, but when you glance up too see the bird flying overhead, you notice the most beautiful sunset, right over the mountaintop.  It's then you realize that had you actually been "slaying bass" (as my brother would say) then you would have completely missed the beauty of the moment sitting right in front of you.  Don't miss the beauty while your waiting on adventure.  Waiting is simply part of the journey.
Trust Him (Proverbs 3:5-6).  He knows what He's doing. 



Watching the wait,
Elizabeth