So here I sit, this Sunday morning around 10:18 am with my coffee by my side (well to be honest, I've already had two mugs of coffee, and now I am working on some Ovaltine (which I have become extremely fond of). If you could only see me now... No makeup, hair in a funky bun thing, big 'ol baggy sweats, and a t-shirt from like five years ago.
When I first came to college, I knew there would be some decisions I would have to make as an individual and as a believer. I couldn't base my beliefs and convictions on those of my parents or my church. The only thing I had to guide me was Christ. His convictions for my life were of utmost important now. Sure, I made some mistakes along the way, but ya know what? He already forgave me of those about 2,000 years ago. Now, in no way am I saying I think you can live in sin or do the things which we know are wrong, knowing that He'll forgive us. He will. But that's not what conviction is all about.
Have you ever had that gut feeling and you just knew something wasn't right? You just knew that you were in a wrong situation or weren't doing something you were supposed to be? I have definitely been there. And when you get to the point where you know it's wrong, now that's conviction. This is a point when your heart hurts from the sin. Or you get so uncomfortable, that you can't live with it. The Holy Spirit is livin' right there, facing every situation, feeling, or physical affliction with you. I have discovered multiple convictions that God has placed on my life. I believe that He is keeping me pure and building my character through the stomach-binding moments when I know I'm being convicted. Don't get this idea incorrect either... Convictions can be about something your NOT doing just as much as something you are that you shouldn't. Did that make since?
Anyways, I have discovered that it is not my conviction to be in church on this Sunday morning. Come on, I come from a Southern Baptist way of thinking where it is church on Sunday, eat a big lunch, take a nap, then get back up in time to be back at church that night. I know what it is like to be "faithful". But as I have discovered, Jesus isn't just in the church. He is everywhere I am and He is even more where I seek Him out as a broken and starving soul. For instance, this Sunday morning I believe He is right here with me more than anywhere else. I have found Him more in the places where I am vulnerable to His word than many times I have in church. This isn't to say that I don't find Him in church. Believe me, He has spoken to me in church time-and-time again. But I want my life to represent Christ ALL the time. Not just in church on Sunday morning.
My mom always told me there was this light surrounding all His believers. She said that we usually stuck out like a sore thumb without the sore part, more like a constant firefly. I love this verse:
For we are to God the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing. (2 Corinthians 2:15)Does it not totally describe what I'm talking about? Let me tell ya, my mother can be in Walmart and the cashier will just start telling her all about the problems she has been having with her family, or her mom, or her dog, or the management, and sometimes it's not even the bad things. The topic may be about how her husband just got home from being in Iraq, or her daughter just graduated college and is teaching at a Tennessee university. I mean the topics range wide and far! But I have always wondered why. If you know my mom, she is a talker. We both laugh because I am much more like my dad. I am introverted, only talk when I need to, can sit in a room for hours upon end without saying a word kind of person. Mom, on the other hand, will be the only one talking in our family room while we're watching a movie (we don't even have to respond). But as I tell her, God has given her that gift, and He has given me mine. We probably wouldn't have the amazing mother-daughter relationship we do now if we were the same. So even if she is a talker, other people still start the conversation. And I believe with all my heart that it is Christ they are attracted to and that is why they can pour their heart out to this person they don't know.
I laughed. This summer I worked at a camp and had to run errands every now and again for some unexpected things...like a golf-cart battery. So here I go, battery in a box in my back seat, heading for a town I've never been to, using my unreliable GPS system on my phone, going to a place that they don't even know I am coming. But ya know what, I eventually found it (after passing it about three times). So I walk in and tell them where I'm from and what I need done. Now the man I worked for is pretty well-known and highly respected, so when you tell them that you work for him, they will start talking about camp and willingly do whatever the need is (this was extremely handy and definitely taught me that reputation does mean a lot). So, as I was saying, I walk in and tell them what I have, so Nathan (the owner) goes to get the battery. I sit inside with his mom and start talking. ME! I started the conversation! We talked about camp and what I was doing and her daughter's missions trip and her son's wedding and then there was this other woman who told me all about her hot flashes and what NOT to do when I'm 50 and how I should try to do everything I want to while I'm young because menopause hinders you from all the fun. It was comical.
When everything was done, I headed down the road and couldn't help by laughing. I had been my mother for a bit. I was able to shine a little bit of Jesus into those ladies' lives, even if it was just for a minute. It was cool to see God work. He can use us in the most unexpected moments.
This is what I mean about being faithful. That is the kind of faithfulness I want to attain. I want to live out Him in my every day life. I want to be that fragrance that people thrive from. If if can be a light to those who don't know Jesus, or simply brighten the day of someone who does, then I know I have found Jesus' place for me. In the little moments of life. In the quietness of my room or the check-out line at Walmart or the run to grab a battery. These moments might forever change the life of someone else. And you will find, these moments deepen not only your faith but your heart for those who Jesus loves.
"Break my heart for what breaks yours." (Jesus Friend of Sinners, Casting Crowns)
Let this be your cry today! Church or no church, allow God to move through you even in the sucky hurtles of life and unexpected minutes. You only have one life to live, don't waste it.
From my Ovaltine morning to yours,
Elizabeth
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